Gohan blog post

Honesty is the Best Policy... Even When it Hurts You!

I have been coming to this site on and off for about seven years now and have had the pleasure of knowing a handful of genuinely good, honest and understanding people. I talked about this a little in my (way too long) rambling post earlier, but I want to talk about something a little more specific this time; honesty. Whether we're talking about the person you're talking to, the things they put on their profiles or you yourself and the level of honesty you bring to the table about yourself. Is it always the best policy even if what is revealed has the potential to cause someone to abruptly end the conversation? Whether it's from seeing or hearing about things that happen to others, things gathered from my own life experiences and from my experiences here, I've definitely come to a conclusion personally. It is always better to be honest even when and ESPECIALLY when it causes someone to end discourse with you.

I know the temptation most of us have is that when we like someone, we want them to like us too. Sometimes, this causes people to try to change or mold themselves into someone they think the other person will like. Of course, this strategy also often involves withholding information about yourself that you don't think that person will like all too much. While this will usually work to get you the person you want, the cost is always too high in the end. A person can only pretend for so long before the truth comes out. That truth could be something in a person's past, something about their life currently or just a truth about who they are.

Is it worth having that cloud over your head every day knowing one day, it's going to start raining REALLY hard and there's no way to avoid it's inevitability? Perhaps your partner likes rain and can handle it, but maybe they can't and prefer to stay out of the rain. Maybe they prefer the desert where flash floods can be deadly. What do you do when you've given this person your heart and have fallen in love with them? This inevitable storm never lets you fully enjoy it which leaves you in a permanent state of worry, stress and anxiety which just increases the closer it gets. No matter how elaborate a disguise you've constructed, the truth will always catch you eventually; ALWAYS.

Wouldn't it have been easier to just be honest with yourself and that person from the start even if they decided never to be with you in the first place? Maybe you're really poor, disabled and unable to work, have a criminal record, have children, an ex that makes your life difficult or whatever your baggage may be. There's literally thousands of possibilities there because everyone has problems. Isn't it better if you're honest with someone pretty quickly at the start as opposed to months later after feeling have developed? It's a few days vs a few months; which one would hurt less? It hurts no matter what because we all have feelings, but it's better to know right from the start when there's no emotional investment.

Being honest is always best especially when it proves to be too much for someone quickly. That's not a loss, that's a victory. People are always going to judge you and form opinions about you whether it's after a few days or a few months. It's better to find out whether or not someone is going to do that sooner than later because it saves you a whole lot of heartache in the end. Yes, even people who claim on their profiles to not be judgmental and expect others to accept them as they are, but do not extend the same to others. It's just another reason to be cautious of what people put in their profiles when they are talking themselves up excessively with all kinds of nice words because the things the words say don't always match up with the person who is saying them.

This also touches on being able to accept and love yourself for who you are. If you're always looking for those things externally without first having them internally, it's going to be a bumpy ride. No one is perfect. Perfect souls no longer have to incarnate on this planet because they have become like God. We're here because we're not yet perfect and many of us still have many more lives to live and lessons to learn before we get there. We all have problems and we all have flaws and this will always be true so long as our souls are forced to live in these prisons of flesh because we haven't yet learned the things we need to learn to be free of this curse.

Being truly accepted by another person in the same way we accept ourselves is so incredibly rare these days which means we mustn't waste time trying to make ourselves fit into someone else's mold. The right person for you has a mold that you fit into without even trying and no matter how honest you are with them about even your deepest flaws and shortcomings, they will never falter and they will never turn away from you. That's when you know you've really found something special. Don't cheat yourself, always be honest with people even if you fear the worst. The sooner, the better. If someone turns away from you after a few messages, then you know you don't fit the mold right away and can keep your eyes open for the one that fits together with you without any extra effort at all. :)

Don't be seduced by external beauty. Externally beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Its not special, they're everywhere and is a mere fraction of the whole of the person. The real rare thing is to find that beauty within. That's what matters and it's much more than words on a profile. Those of you who are alone and struggling with it, hang in there! Keep your chin up and don't give up and most importantly, always be honest with yourself and with the person you're having dialogue with. ALWAYS! You can't run from it for long, so just wear it on your sleeve instead. Running sucks anyways. :)

-Mike