rore blog post

why is it hard to have real happiness?

it's been awhile since i come online i was very preoccupied in terms of emotions, mind troubling, facing reality of life my daily life and that include my responsibilities. all i can say one thing that makes me say that i am happy about and with no regrets of committing or having that is having my child. shes my driving force to live my life to have a normal life. but aside of that there is no other happiness that comes my way. yes i have my mom i love my mom so much with brothers having them is a part of my normal life and that is constants that makes me happy of.
ever since i've been looking for the true happiness that most of the people i know and what i see here are having and experiencing and some they all get it in an easy way with no sweat. its been a part of my dream ever since to be able to graduate in college in the right age to have nice work and to have special someone a love of my life and settle down and have a happy family with him.. all the sitting of goals and trying over and over and over again to achieve was all fall into doomed of failure for how many stories of it i mean distinct of stories of each try was so hard... in terms of relationship always end with nothing and that makes and made me a tough girls in terms of some guys asking to court me and when i gave in i mean i gave in to the love and to showed love back after things will be different in a bad way will end up breaking after months or year to years of being together.. it's just like gambling you win at first and happy of your win and after winning you will lose big time, bigger than you invested. it's like after you heal the wound that you had for the past heartache and find this another person hoping that he is the one and again after the sharing of times together, falling in love together, and will suddenly one day no single word you hear from him or her again from the last time of talking, expressing of love to each other. it's like you are wounded again and again so your wound will never heal cause it's always a fresh cut. specially if your a kind of person like me i am easy to fall in love but as i've been hurt so many time i am a tough woman sometimes they called me a lion but after reassuring that they love me i gave in and gave back the love fully but after all the sharing and treasuring every moment together will just end to it's either avalanche break up, break up. some said i never learned. even myself i am repeatedly saying that to myself. ALL I WANT IS TO LOVE AND TO FEEL THE LOVE FROM SOMEONE, i am a loner person because of what i've been. that is why i am a hopeless romantic person cause i am super ready to fall and gave love but there is no man yet to have that love. a man that is ready for that love to accept but also willing to accept me whole in whole as i am not perfect. that is why i keep on asking this question.

WHY IS IT HARD TO HAVE REAL HAPPINESS? IF THAT'S THE ONLY SIMPLE THING YOU ASK IN THIS WORLD!!!!:( :( :(