Thrasymachus blog post

Not Sinking Into Depression...

...you know, because the whole stinkin' World feels like its coming unglued and stuff.

Well let me tell ya, the weather here is not helping. Its snowing sideways outside right now! 2 days ago it was 65 (f) and sunny, all the snow finished melting into mud that looked likely to be drying soon, and now today a windy blizzard hits, and it feels for all the World that the end is nigh upon us.

I don't think it is though. I think it just feels like that.

I just finished moving a couple days ago, and moving always causes me some depression too. When I was a kid, we moved a lot. Usually it was right around the time I stopped being the new kid at school and made a few friends, my would-be pre-yuppie dad would get a better job somewhere else and we would move (1st Worlder problems, I know...). I think this relates to my lifelong post-moving depressions, but I don't know....it's not like I'm a trained psychologist or something.

The reason I moved is because I used to be a live-in, small motel manager, and I was fired. Now I'm unemployed. My unemployment benefits are $280/week (which is enough to starve and become homeless on) unless the Federal government comes through with that $600/week bonus $$ for unemployment recipients, and then its $880/week. If that happens, I'll not only not starve, I'll live great and still save some money. Its depressing that the damned government can't get it right, ya know? The one is almost no help at all, and the other, I mean it would be great to get that and all, but I still think its kind of silly and excessive.

Yesterday I locked myself out of my new apartment, but I broke in using a credit card on the front door latch. I've seen that done on TV shows before, but I didn't know it really worked. It was pretty easy too. It would probably leave me feeling less secure and thereby add to this ballast weight of depressing crap pulling me down, but that sort of security isn't something I worry about. If I'm not home and someone jimmies the lock, I'll just lose some stuff. It would piss me off, but its just stuff. If I'm home, I'll injure a burglar and turn his unconscious body over to the cops. Once the adrenaline dump all settled down, I would probably be oddly happy that it happened, and feel like I was the burglar's bad Karma in action.

Recently someone said right about the very meanest things anyone could come up with to say to me. In fact it was so comic book cartoon villain mean, that it actually detracted a little from the actual impact it might have had, but the fact that she would say it at all still hurts pretty bad. Its got me wondering, am I just the worst judge of character imaginable, or did her contact with me drive her temporarily insane (or was it something else?), and that's certainly a factor in this battle today.

And:
My back hurts.
I have a slight temperature and my cough is a little worse.
I'm tired.
I'm bored.
I'm lonely.
I feel old.
?

I don't know...


A Sufi is credited with being the first person to say,
"This Too Shall Pass."

Maybe I'll read some old Sufi poetry and see if that cheers me up.
It sure couldn't hurt.

Or maybe I'll watch an old Spaghetti Western;
"Death Rides a Horse" or "God Forgives, I Don't",
while I wait for this to pass.

Or...



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Now, its the next day (4/10/20):
_____ _____ _____

Tried to read some Rumi but there was too much noise in my head to hear what he was saying, so I watched a Bruce Lee movie last night instead. It took my mind off of everything.

This morning I woke to a sunny new day with one of those postcard blue skies, Chonq's being extra snuggly, I haven't watched the news and the World doesn't feel like its ending.

Seems like sometimes mood is everything.



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So on 4/11 it was a lovely Spring day, and then yesterday (4/12) it snowed about 5 inches, and yes, it snowed sideways for some of that. Today the sky is blue and clear, but OMG its cold!

I moved to Wisconsin from California less than 2 years ago, and it is apparent to me that I have not completely adjusted to the weather here, also, if the snow isn't going to be ski-able, I can pass on it.

Lots of things aren't up to me.