Thrasymachus blog post

One of THOSE days...

Ugh, just one of those days...

I know it's just bitchin' & moaning and we all have them
but this one starts off I can't find my glasses
I say fuck it and start making coffee anyways
so I make a pot of shitty coffee and a nice big mess cause I can't see
then go on the balcony in my socks because it's kinda cold today
not realizing the indoor/outdoor carpet is soaking wet because it rained sideways here yesterday
until I have sat down on a soaking wet seat cushion
get up quick enough to spill hot coffee everywhere
so I put the cup down and go to the sliding door
I have to take off my soaking wet socks while a cold damp breeze blows through my wet pants
right through my soul and of course
as I start inside the very biggest motherfuckin eagle I've ever seen
swoops down and rips out my eyes and starts eating my face alive
and I'm blind and fighting for my life when a goddamned wild Montana bigfoot goes scooting by us
it's befouled stinking furry shit encrusted ass smelled so bad
I wasn't sure what was worse between the stink or having my face eaten
but just then the eagle was off of me and I could could hear it clearly
gagging and barfing up my face and it shrieked WEEEASH YEEEERRRRR ASS
and it flew away and after I threw up I was like yeah
I'll have to burn that couch he's sitting on
maybe even move
but at last that ginormus eagle isn't eating my face anymore
and I can hear bigfoot defile the sofa with a wet fart while he's flipping channels on the TV and I'm thinking
about how the hell I'm gonna get him out of here when he stops on Harry and the Hendersens
flies into a rage destroying the entertainment center I just finally got working exactly how I wanted it
and he comes over to me
punches a hole through my chest and rips my heart out
I can hear him winding up all melodramatically like Bugs Bunny on the pitcher's mound
and then of course
bigfoot hurled my still beating heart into the sun.

Yeah
it's one of those days I would've been better off just staying in bed.
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