Sir_ris

More about me:

Hi,
I am an open minded eclectic scientist who is slightly reclusive but can be a fun extrovert when the company is right. My interests include science, books, movies, talking and I dabble in most other things.

FYI, (if it matters) I am Indian and 30 years old, 179cm tall and 79Kg and single.
I am a gentleman and will respect your limits and hope you will respect mine. Please do reply
Cheers,
Sirriss
P.S. I love jokes, so here are a few.. ( i know many more)
Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks him what he wants to drink. Descartes says ‘hmmm, I don’t know’ and vanishes in a puff of logic.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Boris Spassky was once asked by a reporter, “Which do you prefer: chess or sex?”. Spassky replied “It very much depends on the position”.
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
Q: What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
“is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality…
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball.
The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.
I prefer IP jokes; it’s all in the delivery.
Two fermions walk into a bar. The first says “I’d like a vodka martini with a twist.” The second says “Dammit, that’s what I wanted!”
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies, “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says, “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
Two women walk into a bar, and talk about the Bechdel test.
there are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies “No I’m traveling light”
Your mother is so classless, she could be a marxist utopia
An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist are asked if a certain horse will win the race. The organic chemist asks what the horse has been eating and drugs given to it. The analytical chemist asks for the makeup of the track and mud. The physical chemist starts with “If we assume that the horse is a sphere…”
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks “dry?”, he replies “nein, just one”
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, “Can I have a glass of H2O.”
The second chemist says “Can I have a glass of water too.”
The first chemist broke down in tears – his assassination attempt had failed.
There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
A Zen Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.
The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”
An angel came down for a meeting of the American Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’ll come back tomorrow.” And he left the philosophers to deliberate.
Some of the philosophers favored asking conjunctive questions, but others argued persuasively that the angel probably wouldn’t count this as a single question. One philosopher wanted to ask “What is the best question to ask?”, in the hope that some day another angel might make a similar offer, at which point they could then ask the best question. But this suggestion was rejected by those who feared that no such opportunity would arise and did not want to waste their only question.
Finally, the philosophers agreed on the following question: “What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask, and whose second member is the answer to that question?” Satisfied with their decision, the philosophers awaited the angel’s return the next day, whereupon they posed their question. And the angel replied: “It is the ordered pair whose first member is the question you just asked, and whose second member is the answer I am now giving.” And then he disappeared.
What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
C, E flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors”
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Silver and Gold walk into a bar.
Bartender says “‘ey you, get outta here!”
Gold leaves the bar.
The first rule of Tautology club, is the first rule of Tautology club.
Wife walks in on husband, a string theorist, in bed with another woman. He shouts, “I can explain everything!”
Q: How was Louis the XIV feeling after completing the Palace of Versailles?
A: Baroque
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Dry erase boards are remarkable.
Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it
Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Would all of you like a drink?” The first logician replies, “I don’t know.” The second logician replies, “I don’t know.” The last logician replies, “Yes.”
Why was the ant so confused?
Because all of his Uncles were ants.
why did the archaeologist commit suicide?
his career was in ruins
Olympic gymnast walks into a bar, she doesn’t get a medal.
When chemists die, they barium.
•Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
•A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
•I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
•How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
•I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
•This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
•I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
•I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
•They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
•This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
•I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
•I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
•Broken pencils are pointless.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
•I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
•I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
•I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
•Velcro – what a rip off!
•Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
How do you organize a party in space? – You planet!!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You search for fresh print
Hey man you got any Sodium Hypobromite?
…NaBrO
Did ya know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans